I thought I’d kick off the new year by diving a bit deeper into the framework that guides my work supporting mothers on their journey to and through motherhood. It is grounded in my lived experience and in the growing body of work around matrescence. In other words, it’s here because I needed it for me. I needed something to help me make sense of what I’m going through. My hope is that a small piece of it may be helpful for you.
A few base assumptions that ground this framework:
Matrescence is a rite of passage that is not recognized, valued, and resourced by our modern western society in the way it deserves. Some refer to it as the “forgotten transition.” This needs to change.
Matrescence is a developmental stage similar to that of adolescence. It is period of time in which profound transformation is occuring across all areas of your life - psychological, social, emotional, physical, economic, cultural and spiritual. It is the radical identity shift of a woman as she moves through motherhood.
Navigating your matrescence journey is an exercise in both inner and outer work. There is inner work to be done to change the way we relate to, talk to, and love ourselves through this process; AND there is also a very practical side to the work that involves getting the things done that need to get done to raise a family, earn an income, maintain relationships so that you can even begin to have the space to do the inner work. Meals need to be made, kids need to be cared for, etc.
If you’re new to my newsletter, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. I write about topics on my heart as they relate to my matrescence journey and share some useful bits from my day-to-day.
Let’s talk about this logo. My logo is a deeply personal manifestation and visual representation of my real-time experience navigating matrescence.
The three sides of the triangle represent 3 stages or areas of focus that I have found critical to thrive through this transition: Restore // Redefine // Redesign. Each stage represents a specific focal point, but they are also meant to work together. I like to think of it like a map, where I can use my intuition to see what area is really pulling me in, and use that as a starting point. Think of each stage as a tiny little world that you can dive into. Sometimes you just need to take a quick dip. Other times you need to soak deeply for an indefinite period of time.
Restore is at the bottom because restoring one’s self in all the ways where you feel depleted is THE FOUNDATION. It starts here. You can’t move through the cycle without a strong foundation in this stage. It’s a stage we must cycle back to again and again and work to incorporate in our daily lives.
The triangle is upside down because that symbolizes the womb space, the divine feminine, birth (the birth of my children, the birth of myself as a mother), and my journey to find more balance between my masculine and feminine energies.
The triangle is situated inside a circle, which represents the cyclical nature of the transition through motherhood, and of life itself. It is purposefully not a linear framework, because becoming a mother is not a linear process where you start at point A and get to point B and then you’re done. Rather, it’s a continuous and cyclical experience of becoming. We move through the stages over and over again, sometimes all at once in different areas of our life. The circle also represents seasonality and our shift through seasons internally and within the context of our natural world.
Restore // Redefine // Redesign
A quick riff on the Restore stage… One definition of restore is to “bring back to or put back into a former or original state.” I like this definition because it highlights a key caveat that is so important to call out: when a woman becomes a mother, she begins a transformation to a new state. She experiences an “inner split” from the person she was before and the person she is becoming. Despite what society tells us, we are not meant to go back to our “original state,” whether that is the shape of our body, our nervous system, or our values and beliefs.
Restore also has the word REST in it. A major focus of navigating this transition is rest: learning how to rest, exploring different types of rest, learning how to ask for support in order to get rest, claiming your right to rest, and moving through the feelings you may have when you realize that our systems and culture are not set up to support mothers in getting said rest.
Here are four key pillars I focus on in the Restore stage:
Sleep - Finding ways to get the sleep you need to thrive and function in early motherhood is priority #1. If you’re struggling with sleep, I feel you with all the fibers of my being <3
Addressing postpartum depletion - check out this podcast interview with Dr. Oscar Serrelach (it’s long, but covers a LOT of interesting stuff)
Nourishing your nervous system - This is a powerful skill set to learn and there are so many tools and practices available to us. I’ve found my meditation practice and also NSDR/Yoga Nidra practices especially helpful when feeling “wired and tired” or struggling with insomnia.
Incorporating restorative practices and activities into your new daily rhythm - check out Dr. Daulton-Smith’s work on the 7 different types of rest. It’s a great way to pinpoint what types of rest you’re missing/craving.
More to come in future newsletters and throughout my work! If you’re interested in learning more about how you can apply the Restore // Redefine // Redesign framework in your ow journey you can book a free chat below.
Reading //
Motherwhelmed has been on my list for awhile. I finally ordered it and within 3 chapters, I am mind-blown. So many things I’ve felt, thought, and wondered about put into beautiful words weaved with relatable stories from a mother who’s been there (4 times around might I add). Many thanks to Beth Berry for funneling her experience and wisdom into this book. If you’ve ever felt motherwhelmed (or rather, have never NOT felt motherwhelmed since becoming a mama) then get your hands on this book.
*You can also listen to Beth Barry, author of Motherwhelmed, in conversation with Sarah K Peck on the
podcast.Asking //
I’m turning the tables this month and asking for some input from YOU!
I have a digital course in the works that is all about taking the overwhelm and stress out of meal planning and prep for you and your family. It’s a mash-up of matrescence insights, habit science, and my systems-loving mind applied to the never ending task of getting food on the table, multiple times a day, every day of the week. Going through the process will get you to a place where you feel like “you’ve got it together.”
So, where do you struggle the most with getting meals on the table for your family?
Click the button below to share your input. You’ll also join the waitlist to be the first to know about my *systems for meal planning and prep course once launched (*catchy course name is still baking).
Etc. //
These almond flour brownies for a cold winter night.
This heat wrap by Dana Herbert is one of my favorite gifts to give to new mothers. I use it multiple times a day on an achy back, to warm my daughter’s tiny feet, to ease my tense shoulders and neck from carrying the weight of two kiddos / all that nursing.
This glass dish by Anyday Cookware - I’m obsessed. It’s a glass bowl with a lid that goes in the microwave. It’s not rocket science, but it’s making it that much easier to get a vegetable on the table that the little ones will eat. I purchased the starter set for my brother and mom as holiday gifts, and then I secretly “borrowed” one of the bowls to take back home with me because I liked it so much. Cat’s out of the bag, mom - sorry/not sorry.
P.S. Consider this your monthly matrescence oracle - Cassie Shortsleeve of @DearSundayMotherhood and
delivers with a round up of 9 notes to new moms.