teary dropoffs, claiming support, and virgo season

matrescence missives #20

Our towns annual “duck race” where rubber ducks race the river for charity. Nothing to do with dropoffs of tiny children, but everything to do with September and tiny joys.

I dropped my littlest one off at her new "school" today. She joined her 2's class, and we put her water bottle on the tiny cart, her backpack on the tiny hook, and her lunchbox in the tiny cubby.

Everything was tiny, everything new. New walls, new teachers, new friends. And a new version of my tender mama heart—aching and blooming simultaneously. I had my mom join for dropoff while she's in town, ostensibly to "show her the ropes to help with pickups," but really to be MY SUPPORT. To mother me as I cross yet another threshold in my mothering journey.

We walked down the hall to echoes of tiny cries, and tiny tears ran down my face.

My mom put her arm around me, reminding me that E would do great.

What I want you to think about this week:

There are more supports available to us than we sometimes realize.

But if we don't believe we deserve support, or we think we're strong because we don't need more support, or we believe mothering isn't that big a deal compared to our other roles and identities... then we'll have blinders on when it comes to claiming the support we need and crave.

We may even judge and criticize ourselves for not keeping up, being unable to do what we once did, or failing to show up the way we did before motherhood. This is a pattern I'm committed to untangling myself from, and one that I see so many new mamas trying to unlearn.

Side note - I'm not saying that we as mothers are solely responsible for "self-caring" our way out of the hot mess that is our support system for young families in the U.S., or that if we just claimed more support for ourselves, we'd all be fine. Obviously, that's not the case (

Lane Anderson

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I am saying we have a responsibility to be curious about the narratives running our personal show, to investigate where they came from, and whether they feel TRUE for us. If they don't feel TRUE and aligned with our inner voice and intuition, then we can work to change our relationship to those narratives. We do this AND we VOTE.

Day in and day out, I reflect on my journey becoming aware and engaging with the concept of "matrescence." I always land in the same spot. This body of work, which has given words and weight to the developmental passage from maiden to mother, has transformed my relationship with myself. It's changed how I talk to myself, how I value myself and what I do for my family—both visible and invisible—and how I claim and access support for myself.

Do you have a narrative that's keeping you from claiming more support for yourself?

If so, write it down exactly as it sounds in your head. Reply back to this email or leave a note in the comments. Seeing it in writing is a powerful first step in the alchemical process.

And now, some poetic words from Eva-Maria Smith’s

MILK

about September and Virgo season:

September to me is the month to lean into the sticky grief of the deaths of spring and summer and to live in the duality of it all. The duality of late summer and the shadow of winter lurking. The duality of missing things and being painfully aware of our blessings. The duality of rooting down firmly and having the tip of my ponytail attached to the stars.

Virgo invites us to confront ourselves and evaluate our path without giving it up. It invites us to edit our lives, by following our intuitive nudges. To keep it moving, even when your fears leap from the shadows and try to lure you off your path.

The days of sunshine are fading. The darker months await, says the virgo new moon and it reminds us of the beauty that is alchemy. To take something and turn it into something else. To feel it all. The beauty, the grief.

The beauty, the grief... this felt fitting for my week, and perhaps it fits yours too.

For the mamas either grieving and/or welcoming a new season in your journey, may you build in some extra support this week because what you’re going through is significant, it is sacred, and it deserves support.

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P.S. There's one week left to sign up for the September cohort of the Redefine Intensive (doors close Sept. 18th) where we'll be unravelling and untangling all that's keeping you out of flow in your motherhood journey. I'd love for you to join us.

» Reply back with questions or head straight here for program details and sign-up.

P.P.S. If you're interested in the program, but the weekly session time doesn't align with your schedule, reply back and let me know. I'm brainstorming ways to make this transformative experience more accessible to the hardest-to-schedule demographic there is. I see you. You're doing all the things. And you're doing great.

You can also snag your personal matrescence inventory that walks you through the process of acknowledging all that has shifted since becoming a mother for free to all new mamas. Go ahead, take a peek:

‘Til next week,

Lauren

Hi, I’m Lauren - Certified Matrescence Guide, Identity Doula and Mom of two. I help women in the early years of motherhood restore their life force postpartum, redefine what matters most, and redesign their rhythms and routines to navigate this transformational period with less overwhelm and more ease.