a no-cost special gift for new moms
matrescence missives #18 - with some full moon clarity from chaos vibes
Today’s full moon (August 19th, 2024) is all about clarity arising from chaos (says @risingwoman over on IG). And in divine timing, I had planned to share a special something with you to help you do just that… But first, a little story.
On our first group session, one of my Redefine Intensive mamas moved us all to tears as she shared her experience coming back to work after maternity leave (to a company SHE founded and leads, btw). She was greeted with a simple “Welcome back,” at a meeting with colleagues on her first day back, followed by the next order of business and a request for a status update on her projects. That’s basically it.
Yeah, I know.
There are lots of cultural reasons I can think of that explain how this moment came to be (all point to the theme of sweeping motherhood under the rug to keep other more “valuable” things front and center), but we’ll set those aside for now.
The point is, she showed up to her team and received barely any acknowledgement of this massive life event and corresponding identity shift that happened and is STILL happening since she became a mother.1
It was like a tiny blip on the radar to them, and a tidal wave of change to her.
This feeling of being “unseen” by those around us and by society in general shows up frequently in my life and in the new moms I work with. Without acknowledgement and/or some kind of witnessing, the “inner split” that occurs when a woman becomes a mother (aka, “matrescence”) between the person she was before and the person she is becoming, can feel massively disorienting, isolating, and potentially traumatizing if she is made to feel like she is the only one experiencing it and/or she’s doing something wrong.
Gentle Reminder: It is ok that you have changed.
The shifts that happen as we become mothers are both internal and external, obvious and subtle, and come on suddenly and also in long, drawn-out waves of time.
I firmly believe that in order to change the way motherhood is valued in our society, we must first start with acknowledging what has shifted for ourselves.
When we deeply acknowledge the weight of this life transition (aka “matrescence”), we begin to value our experience differently.
When we value our experience differently, we begin to treat ourselves differently.
When we treat ourselves differently, we show others how we should be treated.
This is the foundation, Step #1. From this space of deep acknowledgement, you can begin to sift through the areas of your life that feel the most sticky or out of alignment and eventually find your NEW flow in motherhood.
But instead of coming from a place of self-judgement, lack, or criticism, you come from a place of deep self-compassion and empathy for the radical transformation you are going through. This is the starting point for a journey through motherhood that is empowered, grounded in your maternal intuition, and ON YOUR TERMS.
This is SO important IMO, that I’ve decided to make the first part of the Redefine Intensive workbook available to you for free, no strings attached. I want as many mamas as possible to experience the transformation that comes from writing their own story since becoming a mother.
You can download your “Matrescence Inventory” - a guided journey of prompts and reflection designed to bring you clarity around all that has shifted since becoming a mother.
This is a perfect exercise to do at key junctures in your early motherhood journey. Maybe you’re returning to paid work, maybe you just started sleeping through the night and finally have some energy and headspace to devote to figuring out WTF just happened. Maybe you’re coming up on the 1 year milestone and feel like you’re ready to process the blur of the last 12 months.
If this is calling to you, give yourself the gift of writing the story behind the birth of YOU as a mother. Then reach out and let me know how it went. I’d love to hear from you.
And if you have a new mama in your life, send this her way - she’ll know you SEE her inside and out.
🥂 Here’s to writing your story,
Lauren
P.S. If you’re a new(~ish) mom who is struggling with balance, overwhelm, or feeling lost and disconnected from yourself - acknowledging the shifts is just Step #1. I created the Redefine Intensive for moms in the early years who feel the pings of an identity crisis and long to feel more grounded and clear on what matters most. There is so much to wrap our heads around in motherhood, with little to know breathing room to collect ourselves… until now : )
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Hi, I’m Lauren - Certified Matrescence Guide, Identity Doula and Mom of two. I help women in the early years of motherhood restore their life force postpartum, redefine what matters most, and redesign their rhythms and routines to navigate this transformational period with less overwhelm and more ease.
In the end, she had to do it for herself - essentially welcoming herself back from maternity leave in a way that acknowledged this massive change she is undergoing from maiden to mother. She’s badass, I know.