the eight commandments of matrescence
matrescence missives #11
A few “commandments” from my personal journey through matrescence. As with all things - take what feels good, leave the rest. From my heart to yours on this beautiful summer day.
Have a commandment you would add to the list? Would love to see it in the comments.
You’re probably in your head. Find a way to get into your body.
There is usually some wisdom you need there. If you need help getting into your body because your whole life you’ve been trained to be in your head, then congratulations - you’re normal. You’re not alone. And this is part of your journey. If you’re a mother, or on your way to becoming one, the good news is - it’s built into the process and your kid(s) will be your best teachers in this.
The simplest solution is usually the right solution.
If you find yourself overcomplicating something and trying to fix everything and everyone around you on this crazy, messy, beautiful journey of motherhood… see commandment #1 - then tune into the next right step, the simpler the better.
Thou shalt be kind (to yourself). Then go from there.
It begins with kindness towards ourselves first. This can be multi-layered. Find that inner mean mama voice, and cultivate a kind and persistent response to it.
When you feel utterly lost, go back to the one thing you know to be true.
You get to this by accessing your inner wisdom. It is not outside of yourself. It can take practice, stillness, and support. But there is something within that you can fall back on when everything else feels overwhelming, out of your control, or completely maddening. It’s that inner truth that no part of your fear, ego, or worrying mind can disagree or find fault with. For example, early months postpartum with my second, I landed on this truth:
“All I need to do is love them. Everything else will flow from there.”
Create simple systems in your life that nourish you and your family.
It’s no doubt we are balancing more than ever in our modern parenting age. In the absence of a village it can be very effective to leverage routines, rituals, rhythms and simple systems to get your needs met and support your family’s needs. Feeding your family, taking time for yourself, tending to home, self, and others - systems can help.
This is a time of profound transformation on so many levels. You’re not alone. It’s not your fault. You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s called Matrescence, and it’s a thing.
And you deserve all the support and acknowledgement in the world. Start by acknowledging the shifts yourself. Honor the changes, sink into the new person you are becoming. Honor and value yourself first. Then others will follow. Remember that we we used to mother in villages. You were not meant to do this alone. That’s why it feels so overwhelming. But this is where we start.1
And ICYMI - “matrescence” is having a moment… check out
recent post rounding up the latest publications on matrescence. Thanks to and for keeping the pulse on the stuff that matters.Heal the mother, heal the world.
Beth Barry says it beautifully in her book Motherwhelmed: “Our collective wellness depends on mothers’ intuitive sense of importance. Honoring that knowledge and acting accordingly is an act of social rebellion and responsibility.” Tattoo this on your soul and pass it on.
Excellence not perfection.
Your definition of excellence (sub “success” or “alignment”) shifts for every season, and may shift every day or every hour. It is defined by you and only you. Redefining what excellence/success/alignment means for you is a core component of navigating your ongoing matrescence journey. Adjust as you go, recalibrate when needed, reap the rewards of freedom, peace, and joy.
The BONUS commandment:
**You do you, boo2.
This should require little explanation. It’s simple, but not easy. Perhaps the hardest (but most important) commandment to follow in our modern parenting age where information overload is the norm and we have an expert for everything. Trust in yourself first and foremost. And if that’s hard for you, you’re not alone AND this may be one of your master lessons. It’s my master lesson to learn, no doubt.
Happy summering,
Lauren
I help women in the early years of motherhood restore their life force postpartum, redefine what matters most, and redesign their rhythms and routines to navigate this transformational period with less overwhelm and more ease.
P.S. The September cohort of the Redefine Intensive for moms in the early years is enrolling now.
6 weeks / meets weekly on Wednesdays via Zoom at 10am PST / 1pm EST.
Guided weekly self-reflection and exercises to complete in between sessions
Limited spots
P.P.S. If you know a new mom who could benefit from some extra support, forward this email along. It’s a good reminder that she’s not in this alone. And there just might be a way to do this differently…
These words are adapted and inspired by one of my teachers, Amy Taylor-Kabbaz, matrescence thought leader, activist, and founder of the Mama Rising Movement.
Shout out to my dear friend, Mine <3 + inspo for this commandment and the concept comes from the folks over at
.